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More Gang Life Q & A -HOMEPAGE
Questions about Gang Life
Answers
When did I start being in a gang and why? Well for me I could not really
say when; I grew up with all my homies is and here I am doing time for the
gang.
Rafa
California
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I became part of the gang when I was about fifteen years old. It all
started in high school where I actually met real gang members. You see I
was brought up in a different world, Central America, and at the age of
fourteen I joined my mom and the rest of my family in California. Well
things didn’t go as I expected them. Let’s just say I didn’t fit well with
my new dwellings.
And then there was high school. But I don’t think peer pressure drove me
to become a gang member. I think it was the way things were at the house -
and also the lack of communication between me and my elders. For some
insane reason I thought that by joining a gang I somehow was going to be
free of all the rules and laws (how wrong I was). I did feel somewhat
awkward at school with me barely knowing some English. Nevertheless I
didn’t have to seek out the company of gang bangers (there are always
other choices). Most of the kids were just trying to fit in anywhere they
could like I was; only if I was willing to take it further. One day I
asked one of the real gang members to jump me in their gang. When I say
jump, I mean literally getting stomped by a bunch of people. That is a
ritual - to see if you can survive a beating and not run.
After I became a so-called real homeboy I started to get in all kinds of
fights in school. I tried to hide all this from my mom, but eventually I
decided to run away from home and headed for where my gang was (we lived
in a different city).
Once I was introduced to the rest of my homeboys and homegirls, I was left
in the middle of a filthy street. One dude told me that, if I wanted a
roof over my head, I’d better start selling dope (drugs) or do anything to
make some money. I was a sixteen year old kid that was in way over his
head. I didn’t really know the streets. I thought that just by being one
of the homies things were going to be given to me. Was I in for rude
awakening or what? That was only the beginning of what was to become the
worst years of my life. But being the kind of person I was, I told myself
I’d die before I’d go ask my family to take me in. I almost did die a
few times. I got shot at and I shot people it kind of became second nature
to me to carry a gun at all times. You know what is the surprise to all
this? That I was brought up from my grandparents in a loving house and I
had God since I was born. Every year we celebrated God’s gift to the world
(Jesus). I had the love and understanding of the people who raised me that
none of that mattered to me in those two years I was running wild, not
caring that my family was probably sick with worry because they didn’t
know where I was. I saw so many un-human things being done in those years
and I can’t get over the idea of how easy I became part of the madness
around me.
What is still vivid in my mind is my first encounter with the cops. It was
probably about four months after I was on my own. I just came out of the
dingy apartment I was living in. The cops were in the building. As soon as
one cop saw me, he just slapped me flat out on my face, I had some cocaine
hiding in my mouth and it came flying out. I thought for sure I was about
to take my first trip to jail, but after he had his fun beating me up, I
was told to go to the alley adjacent to the building. I was so scared, I
came close to crying, but once I got to the alley another cop started to
verbally humiliate me - telling me how stupid and useless I was. He took
photos of me to catalog me in a book they kept in their unit (C.R.A.S.H.-LAPD).
So it was official - I was a gang member, tagged by the police and all. I
had so many mixed feelings after that cop told me to go home. I didn’t
know what to do. I just started to walk, until tears just sprang out of my
eyes. I felt so lonely and out of place. But instead of going to my
folks, I waited for things to cool down and came to the neighborhood.
My so-called homies were all proud of me, telling me how tough I acted by
confronting the pigs and all that. I felt sick by the whole thing, but I
didn’t tell them that. I just went along and put my tough-guy mask on,
knowing full well I just had the worst moment in my life. After that, I
tried even harder to forget who I really was. I wanted not to feel
anything and that’s exactly whom I became - a cold, heartless boy.
I forgot all my old memories and started to gang bang to the point that it
didn’t really matter to me whether I was going to kill someone or be
killed by others.
I finally got arrested for killing another human being. During my stay in
L.A. County Jail, I went ahead and kept playing the same old silly games.
I went through so much in there; all this racism was new to me. I grew up
in a different type of environment but in there other races were supposed
to be my enemies. So it was a new way to gang bang. I thought life on the
streets was painful and un-human. Boy was I wrong; in jail things were one
hundred percent worse.
I really don’t know whether things in my life would have turned out
differently had I not been a gang member. Often I hear that we are who we
are because of because everything life has dished out to us and the way we
deal with problems. Well I think of myself now as a man filled with many
regrets, but also with a sense of understanding who I am. I’ve been in
jail for almost ten years. I was arrested when I was seventeen years old.
Drugs were not a problem for me but, as far as my family, I am really
ashamed of the mess I’ve made out of my life. I am the only one in my
family in prison.
At this point in my life I’m trying to reconnect myself with what’s really
important. I may or may not spend the rest of my days in here, but I want
something else out of life other than a prison number. I want to become a
writer and teacher is possible, so maybe when I finally get out I’ll teach
in my country.
I believe each person in here is capable of waking up, and if anybody
thinks that being part of a gang is fun, well what I just shared with you
is only a tiny fragment of what my life became when I made that mistake
(of joining in). There have been many times when I think, “What have I
done with myself”? I let down many people, and of course me.
Living in prison is not a fun experience either. You don’t really have
rights; you give them away the moment you become part of the system.
I hope any of you that want this kind of life realize, before you commit
the same mistakes I did, that your life is worth way more than this. Maybe
it’s not too late to open your eyes. Your life might seem difficult right
now, but wait until you throw it away; it’s going to be like living but
not living.
I don’t see myself as a gang member and now, but just a man with a sense
of hope and desire to live in harmony with life. I regret many of the
things I’ve done; I believe that things that you do to others come to
you.
Life is so full of mysteries and wonders and it is a big shame to waste it
away in prison or in a senseless fight. Besides nobody has the right to
take the life of another human being, especially for something not worth
fighting for.
Well for now I am going to say goodbye and hopefully my words will bring
to you all a little bit more awareness that gangs and prison are not a
joke, or a place to be.
A friend - G. Alvarado
California
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The reason why I joined the barrio lifestyle? Well, in my personal life
there's a few reasons. One is that a lot of my family are in gangs, and
because when I was young I liked to party and cruise around with the
homeboys. But like I said that was me, everyone has their reasons! Some
join a gang because of peer pressure, some join because they don't have
anyone to guide them or give them advice, so they join a gang to be part
of a family. Some want to be part of a family and they find that in the
gang, they love each other, take care of each other and watch each other's
.
Sincerely - Joey A.
California
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Gang Answers To Questions9
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